The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat

Things had been looking up. Or, so I thought. The phone was ringing and finally it wasn't an annoying telemarketer. Job leads. A couple of managers actually had read my application materials and were expressing some interest. Maybe the economy really is turning around and hiring will pick up in 2011.

My wife and I have accepted the notion we'll most likely be leaving Texas. We're really not concerned about what part of the country calls us; just so that we can live comfortably and get some help moving there. How two people can accumulate so much stuff in so short a time is beyond me, but somehow we managed to run up a $7500 bill when we moved from San Antonio to Houston.

So the phone was ringing and I felt like I had won the lottery. Like Stuart Smalley used to say, "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me." OK, it was a bit for Saturday Night Live, and Al Franken was a bit nerdy. Look where it got him ... all the way to the Senate.

I was giddy. I had three different job prospects at the same time. If you've ever fantasized about how you would spend your millions when you won the lottery, you know how Jane-Ann and I felt. We went through a thousand "what if" scenarios trying to determine which would be the best opportunity. Two were out of state; the other was here in Houston. Although it meant a serious setback in salary and responsibilities, we decided if the local offer was made, we were here to stay.

The local interview was by committee, and I thought I held up to the questioning rather well. We spent more than two hours in the interview, and that was followed by a "test.” Since the "test" was computerized, and I was sitting at a computer with Internet access, I was able to "Google" the answers I needed. They gave me the resources, I utilized them.

The next interview also went well. We talked shop; made jokes, and didn't spill our soup at dinner. I knew an offer would come. And while I waited for that offer, a third interview took place. If I couldn't stay in Houston, this third opening was the one I wanted. Great company, great manager, great team; all that was missing was me. We could fix that.

Now from the "thrill of victory" comes "the agony of defeat.” While traveling back from third interview, I got a call from the local manager. His message was bright, cheerful, and simple. "Hey Ed, please give me a call and let's talk.” Jackpot! No-one ever calls with bad news; least of all with that cheerful sound in their voice. Let the spending begin! I see an iPad in my future! Uh, hold that thought. The manager was actually calling to tell me they had filled the position with an internal candidate. Not the news I wanted to hear, but a classy guy.

After returning from my last interview, I immediately sent my thank you note. I expected a quick response, like: "I enjoyed meeting you, too.” After two days, I received a long, emotional response informing me he put the position on hold. He needed to give his staff a bit more time to respond to his plea to step up. If the timing had been better, I could have mentioned how that worked out for Wade Phillips. Two down-one to go.

The good news was I did get a firm offer from the first interview! But there were items that needed to be negotiated; certainly the earlier mentioned help with moving expenses. The manager was understanding and really wanted to put the deal together. He would go to bat for me and see how much more assistance he could provide. All other interviews took place while I was waiting for him to get back to me. But now that the first two positions had crashed and burned, I reached out for news. You don't need a magnifying glass to see this one coming: "Sorry Ed, the position has been eliminated from the budget.” It would seem I was fired before I was hired! Three down - none to go.

The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat. And still no iPad.

When Sharks Smell Blood

Image by jbcurio via Flickr

It was my bad. I failed to follow my own advice. I routinely warn friends about random clicking on websites, because we rarely know where our information is being received. Worse, many sites track our every move. If I ate all the cookies that websites set, I'd look something like the Michelin Man. It's bad enough I'm challenging the Pillsbury Doughboy.

This past Tuesday, I spent some time researching private health insurance. My COBRA benefits from my most recent employer will expire next month, so it's time to get information for continuing medical coverage. I visited the usual websites, esurance.com; ehealth.com; AARP, Aetna, Cigna, etc. Here's the catch: Before they'll provide an "online" quote, they need to gather some information. Heaven forbid your height and weight don't line up against the charts or you have a rash that requires a prescription ointment. I acknowledge that I'll never make the cover the annual Fireman's Calendar. I am not blessed with a poster child physique. I like to think of myself as vertically challenged. And forget about "neglecting" to mention a pre-existing condition. Good luck getting a prescription covered for that minor lapse of memory.

After I filled in the information, thinking there were still a few steps remaining, I made my fatal error. Mouse click. Within five minutes my phone started ringing. Endlessly. One call after another with "good news, we found a plan that will take pity on your soul and cover you." The price range came in from $571 to $1600 monthly, depending on whether I wanted band-aid coverage or something more complicated like sterile gauze. At this point, I felt obligated to add another pre-existing condition: spontaneous heart attack. Health care reform? Honestly, I don't give a damn who is right or who is wrong. But Nancy Reagan's "just say no" campaign is not the answer to anything beside the war on drugs. Perhaps we can agree the status quo is not acceptable, and healthcare and the economy are connected at the hip. Or the thigh bone. You can finish it from this point.

Some of these online "brokers" were offering legitimate, if not absurdly priced products. Others were straight out fraud. Prenegotiated fees arranged by the bartering company. It isn't insurance. You pay 100% of their negotiated price. And you have the privilege of paying the barter company $450 a month for their negotiating skills. I'm not a health care expert, but I'm confident many people are being cheated out of their remaining funds.

The irony in this, is that a part of me finds this lead generation fascinating. For three months, I was promised "leads" by an Electrical Energy Provider as I tried to sell this commodity to area businesses. I received four dead-end leads. These leads were provided, not by online pre-qualifying contact, but rather by contractors like myself, who put their feet on the pavement and knocked on doors. Our cold calling goal was to get contract and provider information before we were tossed out of the business. We were developing leads for the big guys in the office and the contractors were pretty much disposable, since few of us would make a living while waiting for the potential client's energy agreement to expire.

Yet, in just a matter of minutes, no less than 30 sales reps had my phone number and basic information. My only consolation, is that at least 29 of them will get the same rejection that I received when knocking on doors. At least they didn't wear out their shoes.

Stream without a Theme

While I haven’t written many blogs of late, the few I have written usually have a theme or a point to them. Or at least, I’d like to think they have some kind of open and close with a modicum of logic in the middle. But apparently, I haven’t felt strongly enough to dedicate a brief article to any one thought; so I've used that as my excuse to not post any comments. Today, I’ll pretend I’m McCartney and Lennon and string together a bunch of little things that have been on my mind and see if I end up with a hit record. They were pretty good at this technique.

So, first things first. The old sayings are true: there are some things you should never argue about.

Politics for example. I’m always amazed at how little “gray” there is to someone’s point of view. All in or all out. Right/wrong. Settle? Negotiate? Please. Most of us are terribly ill informed about the truth. We get our news and form our opinions from slanted news delivered by papers, television and political commentators, and radio hosts, who are, by their own admission, entertainers – not politicians. Still, that doesn’t stop them from adding fuel to the fire with opinions that have little bearing on truth. If a candidate makes a simple slip, it’s headline material. Remember Dan Quayle? How many of us would miss a word or two in a spelling bee? Or the witch who isn’t a witch, who doesn’t know any recent Supreme Court decisions (do you?); but she did know the exact wording of the 1st Amendment and got reamed for saying the constitution never says, “Separation and State.” It doesn’t. Those words came from Thomas Jefferson. She’s running for Governor of Delaware. In a viral world, half-truths are disseminated as though they are fact; and spread like an epidemic.

The ugliness of today’s politics is tiring. If it’s your idea, I vote against it. If it’s my idea, you vote against it. What would we do if we both had the same idea? Uh oh. Third party. I had a local candidate come to my door and brag about how he’s going to cut the Texas budget, protect our borders, stop illegal immigration and so on. He hit on all the state and national issues. Of course he’s running for State Representative, so he can pretty much limit his influence on repaving Dairy Ashford and Kirkwood; which would be enough to earn my vote. I asked him how our Governor could say we have a balanced budget in a TV ad, deny an $18 billion deficit, and admit to an $18 billion shortfall. He responded by noting his opponent was a lobbyist for ACORN. I’m still trying to figure out the connection. So in the end, the only good thing coming from this election is all the extra paper I’m getting from junk mail to earn points when I recycle.

Another futile argument? Religion. I still haven’t figured out why someone has to be wrong for someone else to be right. I was enjoying the company of some very religious friends last week. The conversation drifted to our beliefs. I was asked, “What if you’re wrong?” Wouldn’t it be better to just accept our Savior as an insurance policy in case your God isn’t the One?” I just don’t see how having semi-commitments to an Almighty would work. It’s not like a game show where you get a consolation prize when if loose. Besides, most of us know we pay insurance premiums and hope we never have to use them. I don’t know that I could say, “My policy has this covered” Lord … under Section 1, paragraph. The bottom line on religion is that none of us will truly know until we’ve passed. Then, we may find we were all right, some of us were right, none of us were right or; we just fade to black without any answers at all. Some may think I have faith in the wrong God; but I’ll tell you I talk, He listens, and I have peace in my heart. What more could one ask?

Wives. Never, never, argue with them. They are always right. We are never right. Even when we are, we’ll pay a price for being right, so in this case, cover the bet. You know the joke, “if a man is talking to himself in the woods is he still wrong?” Yes. My wife and I don’t argue often. Why bother. She’s usually right. OK, always right.

Next stream of consciousness comes from the job market and unemployment. I have a friend who was recently “laid off” and is learning how to deal with joblessness after being employed for 15 years. He’s discovering the joy of dealing with Unemployment Benefits, COBRA, and packing up and selling his home. He’s learning how difficult it is to find good leads; and when he does, the salary is anemic at best. I can relate. I’m now entering my 17 month of unemployment. I’ve had a few close calls, but they only count in horse shoes and hand grenades. I never wanted to be an expert in how to stay positive during these times, but fate has led me to be an encourager. The most challenging part of staying positive is dealing with disappointment. When I actually get a solid lead and begin to believe it may actually come together into a real job; it’s devastating when it falls apart. There are times I almost wish I didn’t get the hope. But then I see the positive to the disappointment: at least someone saw value in my abilities. I have so many friends and acquaintances that I speak with each week in the same boat, seeking the same life raft and hoping for the same miracle. A friend once told me “Misery is a team sport.” Please. Go play by yourself. I take no solace in my misfortune, let alone anyone else’s.

Finally, I never met Tom Land aside from "friending" him on Facebook. I’ve heard he’s a nice guy. He’s a nice guy with a serious health issue and he’s fighting for his life every day. And every day, Tom or his wife, or daughter, post a blog talking about their battle, the treatment, how he feels, how he’s progressing, regressing … fighting to win his war. Tom has a job, I don’t. Tom has a serious illness. I don’t. Would I want to trade places? Not for a minute. Puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Perfect Strangers – Not Really

To be honest, I can’t think of many worse things than being seated at a party with a bunch of strangers. After all, we have little in common (aside from knowing one of our hosts), the small talk is forced, and the silence is awkward. Besides that, some people hog the bread and never pass the butter. But last night, something magical happened as we attended a wedding dinner hosted by the newly married couple. My wife and I sat at a table with three other couples, some knew the bride, some the groom, and no-one knew each other. Yet, somehow, we ended up being the last table to call it a night.

As a group we were Republicans, we were Democrats, we were conservative, we were liberal, we were Christian and we were Jewish. Basically, we broke every rule of engagement by discussing topics that are viewed as no-win scenarios. Yet, in the words of Rodney King, “we all got along.” Two of our table members were in the Oil & Gas industry, one works for British Petroleum. So, we talked about the disaster in the Gulf. We talked about finger pointing and refusal to share responsibility (note I didn’t say blame). I noted that hindsight, being 20/20 always asks the “why” questions after the fact. The fact is this is probably the first major disaster we’ve had from offshore drilling in decades and it corrupts the entire concept. We take technology for granted until something goes wrong. Want proof? Look at our Shuttle program. Until we had a disaster in space, no-one was paying any attention to our launches and returns. It didn’t dawn on us that astronauts risk their lives on every mission any more than we realize the inherent danger in offshore exploration. One of our conversationalists was inherently familiar with refining and reminisced there were fires at processing plants in Baytown on a daily basis for years, but now that it only happens once or twice a decade, it’s scandalous. It’s been more than thirty years since Three Mile Island, yet should there be another incident at a nuclear power facility the entire industry will be investigated. Accidents happen. That’s why they’re called accidents.

The oil discussion led us to the politics of blame. Again, we were surprised to agree more than disagree. One Republican activist admitted she’s voted for Republicans she can’t stand, but felt compelled because of her party affiliations. Another guest, a political strategist acknowledged what many of us feel, which is we’re sick of all of them. The building backlash for the incumbent is giving opportunity to new challengers. If you’re Republican vote for a different Republican, if you’re a Democrat, vote for a different Democrat. We talked about hypocrisy: how one gubernatorial candidate preached reduced federal spending, only to lose the primary, return to Washington and join the list of the highest pork barrel legislator in America. Good for Texas, not so good for America. Then we talked about how congress worked around the NASA’s Constellation cuts by adding to a war spending bill. Again, it’s good for Texas, but still, more federal spending. Who says we can’t have it both ways? So, our consensus was that we need to have a bill that says a bill can only deal with one subject. If it’s a bill for hearing, you can’t add sight to it. Period.

Part of the problem, we agreed, was the Internet. One person can post an absolutely false accusation, and in moments the message is spread worldwide and has instantly become a “fact.” And we agreed the media has become part of the problem as it seeks to create news rather than be content in reporting the news. Do you think your local I-Team on TV would have reported the JFK/Marilyn Monroe relationship? They would now, ask Bill Clinton. We’ve become lazy. We don’t need all the facts to form an opinion. We glean our information from Internet headlines. Every day I receive emails informing me of my Nigerian inheritance, or warn me of scams and viruses that will melt my computer. None of them true, but still, someone felt the need to forward the message and post it on Facebook to warn their friends. Many of whom they never met. It appears we base our opinion on the little we know about the subject, and usually our information comes from what someone else thinks. Honestly, if Congress doesn’t know what was in the health bill, do we really belief some blogger read the entire document?

Finally, our diverse group of strangers had unity on supporting our troops regardless of our feelings toward conflict. We had a former serviceman at the table, parents of servicemen at the table, people for the Iraqi occupation and those against. But in contrast to our Vietnam veterans, we agreed that supporting our troops was non-negotiable. We sat in awe of the patriotism our children possess for America; and we regretted we didn’t have that same patriotism during Vietnam. We are horrified at the way our Vietnam veterans were treated when they returned home; and we are thrilled at the way our troops are respected now. Truth be told, the moral of the story is that we shouldn’t let our political views cloud our pride in America. Those kids are fighting for our right to argue and protest. We CAN respectfully disagree. We can “all get along.” It’s time again for America to walk with a bit of a swagger and realize that as a melting pot of cultures, we have differences. But our diversity is really our common ground.

All it took was a dinner party with perfect strangers to see how well we knew each other. We were able to reach across the table and pass the bread and butter. So, why can’t our elected officials reach across the aisle?

Just Do It!

Image via Wikipedia

Years ago, Nike created a memorable marketing campaign with “Just Do It.” The concept was “don’t procrastinate,” “don’t find excuses to fail,” - Just Do It. Of course, Nike had the equipment to help you get it done. People were motivated and sales rocketed. Too bad we can’t take this “just do it” concept and move it into our daily lives. But we no longer stop at procrastinating. Now, many of us go out of our way to say it – but not do it. I’m not talking about losing ten pounds and then gaining three; or, putting off a house repair for a variety of excuses, some valid, others not. Although those certainly qualify. I’m referring to things like a friend who says he’ll call and doesn’t. That’s happened to me more times than I can count, but that’s because I usually stop when I run out of fingers. No sense going to the toes, it only adds salt to the wound.

What really bugs me is when I contact the friend and point out he/she failed to call, they dismiss it as no big deal. Not that my schedule is that busy these days, but still, I gave up something to wait for a call that never came. I might have wanted to start some yard work, or go to a movie. Winston, my Yorkie, likes to take me for walks. So, to me, being “stood up” is a big deal. It’s ok if I waste my time; it’s not okay if someone else does.

I attended a sales seminar last week. The speaker was trying to get me to own my own “business.” My very own Travel Club. It could make me rich. He’s a millionaire so I can be, too. After all the claims were delivered, our motivational speaker saw I wasn’t convinced. I noted his math didn’t add up, that my “business” was the same website as everyone else in the club and that while he said no sales would be involved, my income would be dependent on how many friends I signed up for the program and how much travel everyone bought. As a last resort, he suggested I “just do it.” Take a leap of faith and figure it out on the way down. If he had thrown in a Nike parachute I might have given it more thought, but my mother used to ask, “If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you?” (FYI, the correct answer is no).

For years, Comcast told us how they were “Comcastic.” At least for me, they didn’t live up to the promise. AT&T Uverse promises a better experience. Today, I learned I can’t dial 311 (city services) on my phone, or 411. I have to get regular AT&T phone service for that. I thought I had the “latest and greatest” in communication only to find out the old land line does something the new digital service can’t. Can I dial 911? The customer service representative assured me that will work. I’m not looking forward to finding out – one way or the other.

Last night, my wife was wondering how we can get some of the secondary digital channels we see promoted on the local stations. I took out my channel guide, went through 400+ “channels” and not one was the secondary broadcast from our local stations. Undaunted, I called customer service and asked where I might find these broadcasts. He referred me to the website. He was too lazy to get my answer, so he thought I should just do it. He did, of course, thank me for calling and told me to have a nice day. By the way, the website has no information on local channels, so I thought I’d call a local station to get the information. The switchboard operator understood my question, but apparently no-one in management had the foresight to prepare her for such a question. With Uverse growing so rapidly, one would think that a TV station, with a vested interest in promoting their product, would make sure their programming is available on Uverse. Perhaps it’s a cost vs. reward conundrum.

But “thinking” isn’t always a management strong suit. My latest example is from our beloved City of Houston. Mayor Anise Parker ran on a platform of fiscal responsibility. Who better than her, she asked, is able to control city expenses? I could.

Apparently, effective in April, the city decided that all yard waste must be placed in city approved biodegradable plastic bags. A great idea. I just wish they had told us. In the last several weeks, I’ve received at least four letters from Waste Management Services informing me of pick-up and recycling schedule changes. In not one of those letters did anyone mention the need for special bags. On Sunday evening, I placed my yard waste at the curb in recyclable-biodegradable paper bags for Monday pickup. The bags even say “ideal for composting.” My bags were left behind, with a green sticker informing me of the change to the rules. Channel 13 ran a story last night telling viewers of the new regulations. By then, it was too late for my neighborhood. I guess Dave Ward didn’t consider the story “breaking news.” So, with deference to State Farm, like a good neighbor, I pulled my yard waste bags back to my storage area only to hear the trucks come and pick them up the next morning. By the way, that’s when I learned I couldn’t make a 311 call on Uverse!

I called City Hall (they have a real phone number) and spoke with a very nice City Services Representative. She explained the new law and said that if they left a sticker on your bag they would come back the next day to pick them up. “How was I to know this,” I asked? That information wasn’t on the sticker. It was an “I gotcha” moment. I also asked where I could find these special bags. The representative gave me a list of places such as grocery stores and hardware/home improvement stores. I’ve been in each of them several times over the last month and I have yet to see any display saying “here they are … you must have these.” Clearly, I wasn’t alone, my street was lined with unrecyclable plastic yard bags; and only a few lazy neighbors were rewarded for their lack of effort when the trucks returned the following day.

Now, if I were Mayor, I would have made sure the TV and Radio stations had the information BEFORE the bags were needed, not the day after. I would have made sure the Sunday Chronicle carried the story on the front page of at least the local section. I certainly would have included the message in any of the countless letters that were mailed to every household in the city. And, I would have picked up the yard waste bags and left a note in the mailbox or front door. Instead, they fired up the trucks a second day, drove them around the neighborhoods they had just visited and created unnecessary salary and fuel expenses. Let’s not forget Waste Management is now running late for the Tuesday neighborhoods, because they had to retrace their Monday routes. No doubt, on Wednesday, they’ll retrace their Tuesday route. I’m sure this is logical to someone, but I don’t know why they are in management.

Here’s an odd notion. If you say you’re going to do something … actually do it. Oh, and if you’re going to do something, let someone know. Maybe that’s the next great add campaign: “Let Someone Know.”

The Name Game

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You may have seen the reports where Lindsey Lohan is suing E*TRADE because the name Lindsey was used in a recent commercial featuring babies. The babies in the commercial referred to a "milkaholic, Lindsey." Apparently, Ms. Lohan feels she is in the league of Madonna, Oprah, Cher, Sting, and Bono who have earned the benefit of instant recognition. Maybe it's me, but I don't think Lindsey has earned the right to drop the Lohan.

But in a sense, I'm rooting for her. If Ms. Lohan wins her $100 million lawsuit, the case will serve as precedence for me. I'll never have to work again. And, I'll have enough money for my children's grandchildren. You see, I own the name Ed. And frankly, people have been illegally using my name to their benefit for decades.
Don't believe me? Here are some examples:

• The TV Show called, "Mr. Ed." That's my name. I didn't make a dime off that show. I should have. For goodness sake, they called me a horse.
• The motion picture, "EDtv" starring Matthew McConaughey and directed by Ron Howard. They have lots of money and they made it off my name. Add in the other stars in the film, like Ellen DeGeneres, Martin Landau, Rob Reiner, Dennis Hopper, and Elizabeth Hurley and I may have just hit the mother-load.
• The TV Show, "Ed." Don't remember that one? It aired from 2000-2004. It was about a lawyer who decided to return to his home town and own a bowling alley. While the star of the show Tom Cavanagh hasn't become a big star, cast members Julie Bowen went on to Boston Legal and now Family Matters. And Justin Long has had roles in a Die Hard 4, Dodgeball and a bunch of commercials for Mac. He's dating Drew Barrymore. And here's the real jackpot, the show was produced by David Letterman's company, "Worldwide Pants." Ka-Ching!
• Let's not forget "Living With Ed," starring Ed Begley, Jr. Not familiar with this one? It's about a nutcase (okay, a very rich nutcase) who spends millions of dollars on energy saving appliances to save 10 cents on his utility bill. This is the same guy the government chose to use in the Census commercials. I wonder if he knows how many trees were killed in the filming of that commercial.

But there's lots more money to be made. Why stop at TV shows and movies? My name has been claimed by a disease. You've heard of ED. This is a double suit waiting to happen. First, the creators of the disease Erectile Dysfunction abbreviated their name to ED. Second, by making a long name into an abbreviation, the makers of Viagra, Cialis, and the other ED drugs are making humor at my personal expense. They shortened the full name of the disease. I'm short. That hurts. I'm a sensitive guy. I'm thinking Class Action for this egregious violation of my name. And don't get me started that the disease is for a body part that should never be shortened (except maybe at a Bris). That should be worth something.

Let's not forget what our learning centers have done at my expense.

• Higher Education has become Higher Ed. A clear drug reference at my expense.
• Special Education is now Special Ed. Is that anything like Advanced Placement? I don't think so.
• Physical Education has become Phys Ed. Another short joke, not to mention my aversion to exercise. I wrestle with my conscience. It's exhausting.
• The Board of Education has become Board Ed. A simple typo and I'm Bored Ed which is injurious to my personal reputation and snappy personality.

Honestly, I'm not going to stand for this. I'll be watching Lindsey's case very carefully. I'm on her side, because if Ms. Lohan can win her suit, I can win mine. And then, I'm going after the little guys.
So, a word to the wise, if you own an Ed's Plumbing, Ed's Diner, Ed's Exxon, Ed's Butcher Shop, Ed's Dry Cleaner, Ed's Electrical Repair, Ed's Appliances, or Ed's Heating & AC ... I'm coming after you!

What Have I Done, Lately?

I like to think of myself as a fairly good conversationalist. My wife likes to say I could carry on a conversation with a tree. Honestly, unlimited minutes were invented for people like me. I took a public speaking course in college, and my assignment was to discuss the qualities of a pocket comb. I found so many things to discuss my instructor just gave me an "A" and told me to sit down. I had utilized most of the 50 minute class.

So, imagine my surprise when I was asked a question at a recent job interview that had me stumped. I was asked, "What have you done to improve yourself while you've been out of work?" Thankfully, I avoided my typical smart-ass remark, "what's to improve?" But seriously, what have I done to improve myself over these past several months?

The best I could come up with, at the spur of the moment, was some inane response that I've been taking daily walks with my dog, reading, and playing on Facebook and Twitter. Maybe Proctor and Gamble would call that "New and Improved," but by my standards I fell short. Really, what have I done to improve myself since I've been out of work? The most obvious answer is I've looked for work. Constantly. That's not really improving myself; it's more of a survival project.

But the more I think about it, the more I realized an opportunity to recognize several things that have been happening while I've been sitting at this keyboard each day. I've learned how persistent and determined I am about finding work. I realized how fortunate I am to have a wife, children, and friends who offer constant and uplifting support (not to mention a free meal every now and then). I have a dog that is content to spend the day in my office while I impersonate Sherlock Holmes and search for openings. I have faith. I don't know if I've improved, but I am certainly more aware of the blessings in my life.

I volunteered to help a wonderful group help rebuild homes in Hurricane Ike ravaged Galveston. And yes, I have been reading more. To the point where I'm feeling guilty about the trees I've destroyed with all my hardcover and paperback books. Perhaps we should consider a Kindle, or a new iPad. I have a friend who sells the new "Nook" from Barnes & Noble. Maybe he could get me a deal, so I could read as much as I want and never kill another tree. Except for the one in my yard which I cut down thinking the winter freeze had killed it. But that's another story.

I've learned I really can stick to a schedule when no-one is saying "the work day starts at 8:30." I've learned I can be positive and upbeat when disappointment happens. I've fallen in love with my wife all over again, because I see how hard she works, without the benefit of a support group, to make sure I stay positive. I've been reminded life is too short to be small. I think those are improvements. And, I've learned there are ways to cook besides grilling. While I've avoided the TV talk show queens, I have fallen for the Food Network and Travel Channel. Thankfully, I have the willpower to only succumb to their charm in the evening. Shows like Man vs. Food, Diners and Drive-Ins, & Dives, inspire me. Not to make a twelve pound burger; but to make something besides grilled chicken. Did you know there are other spices and seasonings besides Cavendar's and Accent? At least once a week, I'll go online, or pull out one of my wife's cookbooks and try something different. I've even clipped recipes from the Chronicle! Not necessarily complicated, but different. I made a mango salsa. Ok, I used canned peaches instead of mango, but I did put in parsley and other green things I wouldn't normally touch. I don't know why, but I also added jalapeno, though it wasn't in the recipe. The heat of the pepper, the cool of the peach … no kidding, gives it a try. My wife liked it so much she went and bought a mango and made her own version of the salsa, complete with jalapenos.

Of course, when I get inspired, throw things into a rub or a marinade, and create something wonderful I have no way to duplicate the recipe, because I really have no idea what I'm doing. I'm reminded of when my mother would say "a pinch of this and a pinch of that" when I asked how she made something. When I watch the Food Network, I see great chefs saying "a little of this-a little of that" and they just dump handfuls of spices into their recipes. I doubt anything they make comes out the same way twice. So if my mom could make it up, my wife can make it up, and these chefs can make it up, I can, too. So, I've learned to cook.

Now, ask me again, "what have you done to improve yourself while you've been out of work?"

Nothing. What's to improve?

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